Valentine’s Day In My Shoes

The author explains the annoyance of sharing a last name with a national holiday

Tyler Valentine

Everyone has their day throughout the year: a birthday. I have been blessed with the last name Valentine, which practically makes Valentine’s Day my holiday, and a second birthday.

The day, for me, is filled with way more joy than any average person’s Valentine’s Day purely because of my name. My family celebration of Valentine’s Day is more on par with that of Christmas because I am the one that invented the holiday that has been around for thousands of years. Yeet.

February 14, or Valentine’s Day, is a day for you to show your loved one how much you love them and what they mean to you. For others, without a significant other, their time that would typically be spent on a girl is spent on showcasing how dry your sense of humor is by cracking the same age-old jokes about my last name.

Jokes include asking me to be their Valentine, or if my family had something to do with the creation of Valentine’s Day have become regular. I understand if you’re my friend, or even if we are acquaintances and you can’t help but say something, but if I haven’t talked to you in over a year, please do not put me in an awkward situation by asking me to be my Valentine. I guarantee you haven’t had a more awkward encounter than having a random person ask you to be their Valentine, all I can do is awkwardly look at them and force a laugh. I know what you’re thinking “People are just being sarcastic; they don’t actually think that.”

When the best thing about it is that there are some people that actually think it is possible that I came up with Valentine’s Day. There are numerous people with the last name Christmas, or Easter, and that doesn’t mean they are related to the historical features.

Since second grade, I have heard the same jokes every single year. The attention was much appreciated back when I was eight, but it is beginning to grow old. Sure, it might have been a clever comment back then, but now it just makes the day annoying. I know it may be hard, but it would be much appreciated if you can keep the comments to yourself this year.

Just Another February Day

Who really wins on Valentine’s Day? The multi-million dollar industries more than the couples who express their love

By Jed Howell

Each year in the weeks leading to Valentine’s Day we are bombarded with advertisements of expensive diamonds, fancy chocolates, and flower bouquets that couldn’t possibly fit in a vase. All of these items come with a hefty price tag, but for what? So that on February 14th your significant other remembers that you love them? As if you don’t the other 364 days of the year. Not to mention the profit that companies make off cheesy cards and  heart shaped chocolates that cost nearly nothing to produce.

Personally, my problem with Valentine’s Day is the idea of having a designated day of the year to show affection. If you love someone enough to enter a relationship with them, then you should be affectionate as often as possible. Valentine’s Day is also more stressful than any normal day. Unrealistic or unclear expectations often result in catastrophe. I’m sure we have all agreed with our significant other that we would not exchange gifts when, in reality, they were expecting some sort of gesture. This day creates a feeling of manufactured or artificial love that couldn’t possibly be expressed any other day of the year.

The other problem with Valentine’s Day is the business side of the holiday. It has been estimated by the Greeting Card Association that each year more than 190 million Valentine’s Day cards are sent. This statistic excludes cards exchanged by children. Businesses thrive on the idea that a paper card with a heart on the front can prove that you care about someone. We have literally put a price on love, $133.91 to be exact. Yes, that is how much each American spends for Valentine’s day on average.

As consumerism tightens its deadly grip on yet another holiday, we may officially place Valentine’s Day in the category of “Hallmark holiday.”  The day of love has been tainted by price markups and big business.

A cup of Joe for Valentine's Day

It’s Valentine’s Day. The loveiest doveiest day of the year. If you’re like the old me, this is probably a terrible reminder of the loneliness and rejection that constantly haunts you.

But the new, improved and current me loves this time of year.

For me, I like to keep it interesting so I use all kinds of different methods to reel in the big fish. Since I am such a nice guy, I will share a short work of my genius. Here is my newest bait that is sure to be a big catch:

 

Roses are red, lilies are yellow

If you give me a chance, I’ll prove I’m a fine fellow.

My game so good they call me Carmelo,

All I have to do is start with a hello.

 

You may think I’m just a friend,

But I can no longer just pretend.

I want to be with you to the end,

Even if I have to spend, spend, spend.

 

I wish you could understand how much I care,

Continuing to just stare is too hard to bare.

Can I please just touch your hair and treat you fair?

I really think we’d make a great pair.

 

I’ll put you under my spell.

Trust me, I don’t kiss and tell.

Just ring my bell, and I’ll treat you well.

For you’ll never have to dwell,

Even if you smell.

 

Choose to be with me, and I’ll give you a show.

I’ll love you from head to toe and our love will grow.

Pick truth not dare, I want you to know.

Give your boy some love, Sincerely, Joe.