The Ukrainian people deserve better than Putin

In a country that is starving, one man was living large, almost like a king in his palace.  While the people in the Ukraine ar stuck in poverty and making approximately $4,000 a year, their former president Viktor Yanukovych was sentencing his people to ultimate poverty.

 He was money laundering from his own people and lying about everything.  At first the president fled to his “friends” in Russia who he initially thought would help him take back power in his country.

Hearing this on the news when I woke up one morning really ticked me off. Why would one country help put back a tyrant and just a horrible human being back in power?  This would just return a evil man back to his corrupt ways of abusing his people and getting rich off the deaths and starvation of his people.

Thankfully a few days later I heard that Russia was not going to help this tyrant.  However a few hours after hearing that, Vladimir Putin, the president of Russia, decided not to help Yanukovych.

I was told by my humanities teacher that Russia had put soldiers in the Ukraine and wanted the Ukraine for itself.  This further complicates the situation, and I’m not so sure if this is a better option.

The Sochi Olympics showed the world how corrupt Russia truly is as is evident in how poorly they facilitated the games.  I’m not so sure one corrupt government replacing another corrupt government is a good idea, as history has shown.

I would hate to see the people of the Ukraine, who finally kicked out their former president/elected dictator, be taken over by the Russian president who might just do the same thing to the Ukrainian people and continue their long-existing poverty and starvation.

Boys, take the hint

Boy meets girl.  Boy falls in love.  Girl avoids eye contact and all other forms of interaction.  Classic tale, right?  Boys, if you ever find yourself in a scenario like those described below … take my advice and take the hint.  Perhaps you will recognize some of these stories, and perhaps you know that they have have a happy ending.  But remember, that’s exactly what makes them only a story in the first place.

If you lived in a post-apocalyptic era in which you were both forced to fight to the death in an arena with 22 others. If, when you declared your love for her, she shoved you into a potted plant.  If in the arena she dropped a nest of deadly hornets on your camp.  If you find out your best chance of survival is to convince the nation that you’re in love.  If either of you could LITERALLY DIE AT ANY SECOND, and she STILL has reservations about kissing you,

take the hint.

If you two were both on this huge boat about a century ago.   If said-boat suddenly hit a large body of  ice and was sinking.  If the only thing between you and your freezing cold watery graves was a wooden door you had to use to stay afloat.  If she won’t scoot over just a little bit to make room for you and save your life,

take the hint.

If you were both at a ski resort on New Year’s Eve and you think you two just made this huge connection because some random guy FORCED her to sing karaoke with you.  If the clock struck midnight.  If all of these other couples are kissing.  If she would (supposedly) never see you again.  If she makes up some lame excuse about having to “go find her mom,” this is not the start of something new.

Take the hint.

If you met her at a ball.  If you had been dancing all night.  If you think that you’re making this big connection.  If suddenly she said she had to go but didn’t really give you a clear reason why.  If when you tried to follow her, she was in so much of a hurry her (very pricey) glass shoe fell off.  If to get away from you she didn’t even stop to grab her (but seriously even though shoes were 20 percent off she still paid way too much, but it was just like they were made for her, you know?) glass shoe.  Before you even consider scouring the entire kingdom for her,

take the hint.

If you had to scale a Ferris wheel to convince her to go out with you in the first place.  If she and her family moved away 364 days ago.  If you’ve been writing her a letter a day ever since without so much as a “k” or “:)” response,

take the hint.

Boys, no means no.  Girls, you’re welcome.  Now hopefully you won’t have 10 unread messages and 16 pending Snapchats when you check your phone. Hopefully you will be able to walk down the street without constantly checking over your shoulder and hopefully there will be no more pebbles hitting your window in the dead of night.

Find it in your heart to love Miley like I do

I was in bed, eating my peanut butter Pop Tart and a glass of cold milk when I checked my Twitter feed late on Aug. 25.

And then I saw them. Tweets that I couldn’t handle. Everybody hatin’ on Miley.

“LOL WTF MILEY WTF.”

“Ew Miley WTF.”

“Miley you have no booty WTF ew.”

Well you know what? I don’t hate Miley. Miley may be on a bit of a roller coaster at the moment but she’s fantastic. So stop hating.

I’ve loved Miley since her first season of “Hannah Montana,” and I’ll love her until the last season of “Real Housewives of LA” or whatever trashy reality show she ends up on at the end of her career.

Miley first was put on the map with Disney Channel’s, “Hannah Montana” which happens to be one of the best TV shows ever.

The show brought me laughs and pure joy as a young girl lived a double life that I  could only dream of, just trying to make the best of both worlds. Hannah Montana/Miley Stewart taught us that we can be whoever we want to be with songs like “Who Says,” “Rockstar,” “I Got Nerve” and “Life’s What you Make It.”

Once Miley was done with Disney Channel, I was crushed. But then there was a sign of hope. Miley starred in my favorite chick flick ever and started her new music career with a bang. “Party in the U.S.A.” quickly made its way onto my MP3 device, where it stayed on its own playlist for weeks. I repetitively listened to “Party in the U.S.A.” until I had it memorized both forward and backward.

With genius lyrics such as, “I put my hands up, they’re playin’ my song, the butterflies fly away. I’m noddin’ my head like Yeah! Movin’ my hips like Yeah!” this song was easy to love, sing along to and get super pumped up with. In fact, I usually listen to “Party in the U.S.A.” before all of my golf matches to pump up in preparation for some stern competition.

Yes, recently, Miley has taken a rather eccentric, unhinged path as she decided to cut her hair short and dye it blonde. Yes, this is different, a bit erratic, but it’s no reason to hateS.

Miley is doing something we like to call in the celebrity business “a publicity stunt.” She is gaining unheard of attention in order to promote her new album “Bangerz” featuring amazing songs like “We Can’t Stop” and “Wrecking Ball.” She began a consistent streak of twerking whether it be in music videos or on Robin Thicke on stage at the MTV Video Music Awards.

Miley is attracting public attention and many haters in the process. But I’m here to tell you haters to stop being so jealous. Miley is making millions off every weird thing she does. When you twerk, you can’t even make a dime.

Miley is amazing. She’s already been Hannah Montana and the new Miley Cyrus we see today. I’m here to ask you to find it in your heart to love Miley and remember that no matter how angry she makes you, love her.

She’s forever my girl.

It's 2013 and we still can't …

There’s gotta be some sort of demographic out there, of unemployed Ph.Ds who aren’t quite smart enough to work on the cure for cancer, yet too smart to settle for assistant brain surgeon or something.

Instead of reading Intelligent Life or Mental Floss, maybe they should look at the inconveniences we’re dealing with as members of the middle class.

There are so many smart people out there (so I’m told).  They can’t be doing anything that important to let these dark times go on for much longer.

Thank you, unemployed scientists, for waiting for my permission.

Yes, you may get started on the Enlightenment Era of the 21st century.

Look, I even made you this list of ideas so you can get started as soon as you finish reading that article on how Ununpentium, element 115, may join the periodic table.

It’s 2013 and we still can’t …

bring our phones in the shower with us

I actually have a conspiracy theory that this is possible and there are phone cases in circulation that could make our dreams come true.  The only thing stopping their mass production is that our parents are keeping them off the shelves because they know their water bills will go through the roof.

Nonetheless, let’s take a minute to imagine how incredible this would be.  We could listen to music, watch tv, send emails, browse twitter and pinterest, facetime.  But let’s keep it clean you guys (pun intended).

warm up leftover french fries without them getting limp and soggy

On more than one occasion I’ve tried to take on this dilemma myself.  I’ve sat there in front of the microwave, watching my leftover fries turn to mush, racking my brains for a better solution.

But I’m a big enough person—probably from eating all those fries—to know when to admit defeat.  So I’m throwing this out there.  Put it on the political agenda.

We can put in artificial hearts and send a robot to Mars for pete’s sake, we should be able to figure this out.

turn left off of Shield Rd after school

If you’re unfamiliar, or bad with street names, imagine turning right out of the school parking lot and turning right again at that 3-way stop and driving aaallllll the way down to the end zone of the football field.

Still with me?  Are we all here? Yeah, we’re all here!  Every.  Single.  School.  Day. Every bus, teacher, and about half of the students.

It’s like a tailgate, except the smoke is coming from the drivers’ ears rather than the grill.  I have a simple solution: install a traffic light.  We’re a cityhood (or something) we need to step up our game.

discover a tactic to peel bananas without making the top all mushy

If I wanted bananasauce I would be shopping in the baby food aisle at Busch’s, thank you very much.  Although, now that I think about it, I really don’t have the right to be complaining about the hassle that is peeling a banana.

I’ve developed an allergy to bananas.  I’m not even kidding.  If you feed me a banana, the consequences will be dire.  Like, my ears get super super itchy.   Nonetheless, my childhood was a pain when it came to having a complete breakfast, and banana peelage is an issue that should be addressed.

pause and rewind the radio

Do you know how many times I rewound and rewatched JT’s performance at the VMAs?  Three times.  If you round down.

I’m no history buff—maybe I should pick up a copy of Mental Floss—but I’m pretty sure radio has been around longer than television.  It can’t be that complicated.  If I want to jam to Barenaked Ladies’ One Week for the duration of the car ride, I should have that frivolity.