Too Old To Trick-Or-Treat?

Tyler draws the line between acceptable and unacceptable ages to trick-or-treat on Halloween

By Tyler Valentine

It’s getting to be that time again. The leaves are starting to fall, football season is in full swing, and the age-old question arises: what do we as high schoolers do for Halloween? There are two types of people when it comes to Halloween; those that dress up to trick-or-treat, and those that attend social gatherings. But who is to say which is more age appropriate? Is it frowned upon for us high schoolers to go door to door asking people for candy?

Sorry to crush your dreams, but there is such a thing as being too old for trick-or-treating.

To prevent any accusations of pedophelia, I think you should know you can’t trick-or-treat if you’re 6-foot and have a beard. That being said, this point comes at different times for different people.

It is acceptable to trick-or-treat as long as you look young enough to do so. If you were that kid that had a beard when he was in middle school, I’m sorry, but you got unlucky and your Halloween adventures should’ve been cut short.

But if you are in high school and still look like you should be trick-or-treating *cough* Nick LeBlanc *cough*, then you are in the clear.

Personally, I haven’t gone trick-or-treating since about the 7th grade, and that’s the way I like things. It’s not that I’m too cool to trick-or-treat or anything, I’m honestly just too lazy to walk around for hours, even for free candy. I’m more of a sit-at-home, eat-all-the-candy-that-is-meant-to-be-handed-out kind of person.

I respect the perseverance of those that still dress up and go door to door every Halloween for candy despite the weather we’ve had the past few years.

I remember when I was a kid, I didn’t have to dress up as an Eskimo for Halloween due to the weather. Recently the weather has not been too nice to those who wear “adult” costumes.

This year, Halloween unfortunately falls on a Monday. With the combination of a Monday night Halloween and more than likely terrible weather, I assure you I will be in my bed sipping some warm cider, snacking on donuts, and watching the Disney Halloween specials.

I promise you, Halloween is still fun without trick-or-treating. Be cautious of possible outcomes if you trick-or-treat around kids looking like a full grown man.

Halloween change isn't all good

During my childhood I looked forward to dressing up like my favorite movie character and walking around my neighborhood in search of delicious treats.  Halloween in the past, though spooky, was a holiday of pure intentions.  Trick or treating and apple bobbing offered fun for the whole family.  In the past few years however, something has begun to happen, and not necessarily in a positive way.

Oct. 31: the day is here.  Teenage girls everywhere begin to emerge from the depths of their Justin Bieber-plastered bedrooms. They are dressed up like sexual versions of their future profession.  We have naughty nurses, doctors, teachers and somehow slutty cats.

The whole idea of Halloween has changed completely from age 5 to 16.  If these 5-year-old Trick-or-Treaters could see how they would be spending their Halloween 10 years in the future, they would be ashamed.

Not only does the clothing attire change, but the style of Halloween changes.  The celebration of Halloween goes from having the urge to acquire candy and Trick-or-Treat, to now where Halloween is where teens have the urge to party and be reckless. I’m not saying this is a bad thing though.  Things change it’s just how the world is.

But wouldn’t it be better if instead of parting on Halloween, 16 year olds went out dressed up like dinosaurs and pumpkins and Trick-or-Treated? Maybe not. But the idea that costumes have to be slutty and Halloween has to be about partying makes me sad.

Our top 10 Halloween costumes of 2013

10. Thor.

I had to include at least one superhero on this list, and this Avenger, Thor, gets more popular by the minute, especially with the release of Thor 2 on Oct. 30. The Thor costume, with the signature armour, red cape and hammer, can be found on almost every Halloween costume site and will be very popular with the trick or treaters.

9. Duck Dynasty.

Now, I don’t watch “Duck Dynasty,” but I’m familiar enough with social media to know that it’s one of the hottest TV shows around. If I had to assume, there’s a lot of duck hunting involved. Regardless, the guys on this show look hilarious, and you can look like them too. Just find a costume with a big fluffy beard, an American flag bandana to go around your head, some camouflage,  and maybe a nice mallard to walk around with, and you’ll be sporting one of the most popular costumes of the year.

8. Blake Henderson.

Blake Henderson from “Workaholics” is a crazy character to say the least. “Workaholics” is one of the funniest TV shows aroudn, and Blake Anderson is at the center of the comedy with his two friends. Blake is known for his wildly outlandish ideas and actions and his just-as-insane hair that flops around everywhere. Grab some weird hair curlers or a wig and a loose button down shirt and a weird tie. Or, a bear suit.

7. Dwight Schrute.

Well, I’m biased because “The Office” is the best TV show ever, but Dwight Schrute has a distinct character and style that all should be able to accomplish. Grab your giant glasses as seen in the photo, your short sleeve mustard button dow, and a nice calculator watch and you are good to go. In addition, a can of beets would show some true flavor.

6. Despicable Me Minion.

“Despicable Me 2” hit the box offices this year and is one of the best animated films of all time. What’s not to love when weird, yellow, jelly bean-shaped people walk around talking gibberish and making funny noises. (I hope you’ve seen “Despicable Me” because otherwise that just sounded horrifying.) If you have the skills, this costume is especially funny to the younger crowd. You can either buy one or make your own using yellow paint, blue overalls and goggles.

5. Ron Burgundy.

With the release of “Anchorman 2” just around the corner, Ron Burgundy is a great costume. One of the funniest characters of all time, Ron Burgundy is famous for being San Diego’s best anchorman. Anchorman is an absolutely hilarious comedy, and if you haven’t seen it, I would pick up  a copy at your local movie store and watch it before the second Anchorman comes out in December. For this costume you will need a comb and some hair spray so that you can hold that beautiful Ron Burgundy hair-do. You will also need a red suit and white penny loafers or boat shoes to complete this costume. Oh, and don’t forget that amazing mustache.

4. Miley Cyrus.

By far one of the most talked-about people in America right now, Miley has gone off on a bit of a tangent since her breakup with Liam Hemsworth. She cut her hair short, dyed it blonde, made new music and went on a twerking rampage.

This costume isn’t too difficult if you’re dedicated. Cut your hair short, dye it blonde, wear something tight, go on a twerking rampage, and you’re Miley Cyrus. Also, if you’re feeling adventurous, grab a Wrecking Ball or a sledge hammer. That’s all I can advise, but if you watch the Wrecking Ball video, you’ll know what I mean.

3. Ancient Aliens Guy from History Channel.

Maybe you’ve seen his television show on the History Channel, or even his signature meme on the Internet, but Giorgio A. Tsoukalos may be the funniest looking dude ever. And I’m not trying to be mean, he owns it with his wildly crazy hair and even crazier theories. Find a way to make your hair like his and you have a great costume. Maybe also walk around with signs that read, “Aliens Are Real,” or “Aliens Forever.”

2. Breaking Bad Costume.

“Breaking Bad,” the five-season thriller TV show, ended on Sept. 29. The series finale hit a whopping 10.3 million viewers. It was one of the most talked-about topics in America as cancer-diagnosed chemistry teacher, Walter White, set out with a former student to make and sell Crystal Meth in order to provide for his family before he died. A very popular costume this year will be from “Breaking Bad” as one can get a yellow hazmat suit, a plastic gas mask and blue gloves in order to look just like Walter White cooking meth. You could also go the extra mile and grow a goatee and shave your head while wearing a fedora to look like Heisenberg, Walter White’s alter ego, drug-dealing self.

1. Zombie from “The Walking Dead”.

I’m not into “The Walking Dead.” But it’s one of the most popular TV shows running. In the show, small town sheriff’s deputy, Rick Grimes, awakens from a coma to all of a sudden live in apost-apocalyptic world dominated by flesh-eating zombies. Zombie’s are undoubtedly going to be one of the most popular costumes this year, as they are every year, but even more so because of this television program. Grab some terrible clothes, rip them and either be really really good with makeup and paint or find a mask out there. Then walk around as if you’re going to eat a person. (I tried to think of an example but there just are not any). So get out there zombie and make that apocalypse happen.