Find it in your heart to love Miley like I do

I was in bed, eating my peanut butter Pop Tart and a glass of cold milk when I checked my Twitter feed late on Aug. 25.

And then I saw them. Tweets that I couldn’t handle. Everybody hatin’ on Miley.

“LOL WTF MILEY WTF.”

“Ew Miley WTF.”

“Miley you have no booty WTF ew.”

Well you know what? I don’t hate Miley. Miley may be on a bit of a roller coaster at the moment but she’s fantastic. So stop hating.

I’ve loved Miley since her first season of “Hannah Montana,” and I’ll love her until the last season of “Real Housewives of LA” or whatever trashy reality show she ends up on at the end of her career.

Miley first was put on the map with Disney Channel’s, “Hannah Montana” which happens to be one of the best TV shows ever.

The show brought me laughs and pure joy as a young girl lived a double life that I  could only dream of, just trying to make the best of both worlds. Hannah Montana/Miley Stewart taught us that we can be whoever we want to be with songs like “Who Says,” “Rockstar,” “I Got Nerve” and “Life’s What you Make It.”

Once Miley was done with Disney Channel, I was crushed. But then there was a sign of hope. Miley starred in my favorite chick flick ever and started her new music career with a bang. “Party in the U.S.A.” quickly made its way onto my MP3 device, where it stayed on its own playlist for weeks. I repetitively listened to “Party in the U.S.A.” until I had it memorized both forward and backward.

With genius lyrics such as, “I put my hands up, they’re playin’ my song, the butterflies fly away. I’m noddin’ my head like Yeah! Movin’ my hips like Yeah!” this song was easy to love, sing along to and get super pumped up with. In fact, I usually listen to “Party in the U.S.A.” before all of my golf matches to pump up in preparation for some stern competition.

Yes, recently, Miley has taken a rather eccentric, unhinged path as she decided to cut her hair short and dye it blonde. Yes, this is different, a bit erratic, but it’s no reason to hateS.

Miley is doing something we like to call in the celebrity business “a publicity stunt.” She is gaining unheard of attention in order to promote her new album “Bangerz” featuring amazing songs like “We Can’t Stop” and “Wrecking Ball.” She began a consistent streak of twerking whether it be in music videos or on Robin Thicke on stage at the MTV Video Music Awards.

Miley is attracting public attention and many haters in the process. But I’m here to tell you haters to stop being so jealous. Miley is making millions off every weird thing she does. When you twerk, you can’t even make a dime.

Miley is amazing. She’s already been Hannah Montana and the new Miley Cyrus we see today. I’m here to ask you to find it in your heart to love Miley and remember that no matter how angry she makes you, love her.

She’s forever my girl.

Halloween change isn't all good

During my childhood I looked forward to dressing up like my favorite movie character and walking around my neighborhood in search of delicious treats.  Halloween in the past, though spooky, was a holiday of pure intentions.  Trick or treating and apple bobbing offered fun for the whole family.  In the past few years however, something has begun to happen, and not necessarily in a positive way.

Oct. 31: the day is here.  Teenage girls everywhere begin to emerge from the depths of their Justin Bieber-plastered bedrooms. They are dressed up like sexual versions of their future profession.  We have naughty nurses, doctors, teachers and somehow slutty cats.

The whole idea of Halloween has changed completely from age 5 to 16.  If these 5-year-old Trick-or-Treaters could see how they would be spending their Halloween 10 years in the future, they would be ashamed.

Not only does the clothing attire change, but the style of Halloween changes.  The celebration of Halloween goes from having the urge to acquire candy and Trick-or-Treat, to now where Halloween is where teens have the urge to party and be reckless. I’m not saying this is a bad thing though.  Things change it’s just how the world is.

But wouldn’t it be better if instead of parting on Halloween, 16 year olds went out dressed up like dinosaurs and pumpkins and Trick-or-Treated? Maybe not. But the idea that costumes have to be slutty and Halloween has to be about partying makes me sad.

Our top 10 Halloween costumes of 2013

10. Thor.

I had to include at least one superhero on this list, and this Avenger, Thor, gets more popular by the minute, especially with the release of Thor 2 on Oct. 30. The Thor costume, with the signature armour, red cape and hammer, can be found on almost every Halloween costume site and will be very popular with the trick or treaters.

9. Duck Dynasty.

Now, I don’t watch “Duck Dynasty,” but I’m familiar enough with social media to know that it’s one of the hottest TV shows around. If I had to assume, there’s a lot of duck hunting involved. Regardless, the guys on this show look hilarious, and you can look like them too. Just find a costume with a big fluffy beard, an American flag bandana to go around your head, some camouflage,  and maybe a nice mallard to walk around with, and you’ll be sporting one of the most popular costumes of the year.

8. Blake Henderson.

Blake Henderson from “Workaholics” is a crazy character to say the least. “Workaholics” is one of the funniest TV shows aroudn, and Blake Anderson is at the center of the comedy with his two friends. Blake is known for his wildly outlandish ideas and actions and his just-as-insane hair that flops around everywhere. Grab some weird hair curlers or a wig and a loose button down shirt and a weird tie. Or, a bear suit.

7. Dwight Schrute.

Well, I’m biased because “The Office” is the best TV show ever, but Dwight Schrute has a distinct character and style that all should be able to accomplish. Grab your giant glasses as seen in the photo, your short sleeve mustard button dow, and a nice calculator watch and you are good to go. In addition, a can of beets would show some true flavor.

6. Despicable Me Minion.

“Despicable Me 2” hit the box offices this year and is one of the best animated films of all time. What’s not to love when weird, yellow, jelly bean-shaped people walk around talking gibberish and making funny noises. (I hope you’ve seen “Despicable Me” because otherwise that just sounded horrifying.) If you have the skills, this costume is especially funny to the younger crowd. You can either buy one or make your own using yellow paint, blue overalls and goggles.

5. Ron Burgundy.

With the release of “Anchorman 2” just around the corner, Ron Burgundy is a great costume. One of the funniest characters of all time, Ron Burgundy is famous for being San Diego’s best anchorman. Anchorman is an absolutely hilarious comedy, and if you haven’t seen it, I would pick up  a copy at your local movie store and watch it before the second Anchorman comes out in December. For this costume you will need a comb and some hair spray so that you can hold that beautiful Ron Burgundy hair-do. You will also need a red suit and white penny loafers or boat shoes to complete this costume. Oh, and don’t forget that amazing mustache.

4. Miley Cyrus.

By far one of the most talked-about people in America right now, Miley has gone off on a bit of a tangent since her breakup with Liam Hemsworth. She cut her hair short, dyed it blonde, made new music and went on a twerking rampage.

This costume isn’t too difficult if you’re dedicated. Cut your hair short, dye it blonde, wear something tight, go on a twerking rampage, and you’re Miley Cyrus. Also, if you’re feeling adventurous, grab a Wrecking Ball or a sledge hammer. That’s all I can advise, but if you watch the Wrecking Ball video, you’ll know what I mean.

3. Ancient Aliens Guy from History Channel.

Maybe you’ve seen his television show on the History Channel, or even his signature meme on the Internet, but Giorgio A. Tsoukalos may be the funniest looking dude ever. And I’m not trying to be mean, he owns it with his wildly crazy hair and even crazier theories. Find a way to make your hair like his and you have a great costume. Maybe also walk around with signs that read, “Aliens Are Real,” or “Aliens Forever.”

2. Breaking Bad Costume.

“Breaking Bad,” the five-season thriller TV show, ended on Sept. 29. The series finale hit a whopping 10.3 million viewers. It was one of the most talked-about topics in America as cancer-diagnosed chemistry teacher, Walter White, set out with a former student to make and sell Crystal Meth in order to provide for his family before he died. A very popular costume this year will be from “Breaking Bad” as one can get a yellow hazmat suit, a plastic gas mask and blue gloves in order to look just like Walter White cooking meth. You could also go the extra mile and grow a goatee and shave your head while wearing a fedora to look like Heisenberg, Walter White’s alter ego, drug-dealing self.

1. Zombie from “The Walking Dead”.

I’m not into “The Walking Dead.” But it’s one of the most popular TV shows running. In the show, small town sheriff’s deputy, Rick Grimes, awakens from a coma to all of a sudden live in apost-apocalyptic world dominated by flesh-eating zombies. Zombie’s are undoubtedly going to be one of the most popular costumes this year, as they are every year, but even more so because of this television program. Grab some terrible clothes, rip them and either be really really good with makeup and paint or find a mask out there. Then walk around as if you’re going to eat a person. (I tried to think of an example but there just are not any). So get out there zombie and make that apocalypse happen.

Everyone should stand and say the Pledge

Before starting this column, we would first like to recite the Pledge of Allegiance to demonstrate our formal appreciation toward this beautiful fatherland that we call home.

Gentlemen, please remove your caps. Ladies, please pay attention for the time being.

“I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

It’s only 31 words, not a problem. But getting students to actually say the Pledge of Allegiance, now that the state requires the school to give us time to do so, is a problem. The vast majority of students and teachers aren’t taking advantage of the time given to us to say these 31 important words. And we have a problem with that.

In the United States, people hold many opinions and views across many different spectrums. Everybody has a voice in government, and we all are given our rights and protections in the Constitution. And we should honor these rights and protections by showing respect to our flag and saying the Pledge every morning.

Every student and teacher should carry core values and traits that mirror respect. Saying the Pledge shows that we are thankful for the men and women in our military who fight to keep terrorists out of our country. As we sit in our cushy school, what does it hurt to stand up and recite the Pledge?

However, it seems that in most classrooms it is uncomfortable to say the Pledge because it’s not the norm to do so. This discourages many people who want to participate, including ourselves. It’s almost as if you’re judged by your classmates for reciting the Pledge.

If we’re going to be given the opportunity to stand up in front of the flag and recite the Pledge, all of us should stand as a united front and participate. And while the law doesn’t require it, if there’s no enforcement by teachers and staff, then it’s practically a waste of an opportunity.

In fact, there was one significant bugaboo with student participation in the rehearsal of the Pledge of Allegiance on the first day of school.

It was made apparent on this day by faculty and staff that reciting the Pledge of Allegiance was optional and the student’s choice.

While this is what the law says, why wasn’t there as much emphasis on the fortuity of reciting the Pledge? Why didn’t the teaching staff point out that saying the Pledge is a grand opportunity to demonstrate on a daily basis your adoration of the nation you live in? What type of message is it sending if even our own teachers aren’t reciting the Pledge of Allegiance?

The Pledge of Allegiance should be recited daily by all students. It makes teenagers look bad if only a handful of students are participating.

Either all of us should stand together or none of us should stand. Let’s all join along with Principal Kit Moran’s golden pipes, link together and may God bless America accordingly.

You know what's awkward? The middle urinal

The middle urinal is so awkward.

Ever since childhood, it has been an unspoken law not to go in the middle urinal. Even if someone is in dire pain, most of the time he will wait, shaking in unspoken agony instead of going to the middle.

Every once in a while, while I’m in the bathroom either to the left or the right urinal, some weird freshman walks in and doesn’t know the unspoken law of the middle urinal.

When I’m finished and zipped up, I generally turn around with much anger and say, “Gosh how rude.”

It’s honestly really funny how some days I will go to the bathroom after lunch by the library and there will be a huge, backed-up line for the urinal. And when I finally get to the front, I realize this whole time no one was using two of the bathrooms because in those bathrooms there are two middle urinals instead of one.

Out of all the times I have gone to the bathroom since I have been in high school I have only witnessed three times where a kid has used the middle, and to be honest it freaked me out a little bit. I wasn’t prepared to go to the bathroom so close to another human being.

If you don’t know the unspoken law known by all men: don’t be that guy who goes in the middle.

School lunch actually makes me sick of pizza

School lunches are the worst.  My first year I loved the variety that they had and how they changed it up every day.

However, by senior year, I am completely sick of the food that I have pretty much eaten every day for four years.

My freshman year I loved the cookies, but now they seem like greasy, disgusting, undercooked pieces of fat that taste delicious. I am disgusted by them, but I continue to eat at least one every two weeks.  And I don’t understand why.

Also I don’t understand why Classic Pizza is offered four days a week.  Tuesday they’re fresh.  Wednesday they’re leftovers. Thursday they’re fresh.  And Friday they’re leftovers.

I don’t even enjoy pizza anymore.  The cafeteria has completely ruined pizza for me.

I also don’t understand why lunch is so expensive.  On Tuesday if I was to buy two pieces of pizza and an Arnold Palmer, that would be $6.  That’s ridiculous,  considering the school probably pays about $5 for an entire pizza, which is 12 pieces.  They are making an absurd amount of profit for every pizza bought.

School lunches are bad quality and overpriced.  I don’t understand why some kids would rather pay for overpriced garbage than just bring a lunch from home.  A lunch from home is healthier, cheaper and honestly better tasting.

Arming teachers is not the answer to school safety

Teachers should not have the right to bear arms in school.  Guns were designed for one reason and one reason only: to kill.

Since the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting in Connecticut, people have debated whether or not teachers should carry weapons to make sure something like that never happens again.

I understand the idea that if a bad person comes to the school, the teacher could shoot him or her and prevent a tragedy. However, I don’t think it’s that simple.

Even prison guards are not allowed to have guns, in case there is a riot and one of the prisoners took the gun and used it. While we don’t have a bunch of convicts in Dexter, I am certain in other areas around the country they have some kids who might find or take a teacher’s gun and use it in a bad way.

It is always a good idea to keep guns and other weapons away and out of reach from children.  I’ve heard of cases on the news where some kid finds his dad’s gun and while playing with it, accidentally pulls the trigger and shoots himself.  If we allowed teachers to bear arms, kids wouldn’t necessarily get their hands on them.  But why even take that chance?

If everyone is so uncertain of public safety in our schools, perhaps its time to invest more in school security.  And what if, instead of using guns which were designed to kill, we give the teachers Tazers or stun guns which are designed to stun instead of kill?

If we allowed teachers to carry guns that would be the most irresponsible thing we could do for school safety.  Guns and safety are two words you don’t see together often.

Freshmen, read our advice (and do the exact opposite)

Welcome, incoming freshmen.

Being seniors, we have already put in three years of hard work at Dexter High School. When we were freshmen, the seniors gave us some great advice and we are here to give you the same advice — and maybe even better.

We came up with this advice while we were giving Miley Cyrus her twerking lessons.

As soon as you walk into those front doors, you have to remember that there are a few unwritten rules that you have to follow in order to have the best experience possible. We are here to help with this because we will magically take the ‘un-’ away from these rules.

First of all, we all know that this is an extremely huge deal to you, and you are all probably scared out of your mind about everyone and everything in this monster of a school.

Well, the truth of the matter is that you should be scared. It’s not like you can go back to Mill Creek, though, so you just need to suck it up and pay attention.

You’re definitely going to want to stand up to any upperclassmen who crosses your path. This means that you should be totally willing to get in someone’s face or maybe even get in a fight–if that’s what it takes.

Another key part of this rule is that you should always try to stand right in the front and center of the student section. Us seniors will no doubt want you to stand right up there and get all the attention because we sure wouldn’t want it all for ourselves.

There are also a few events that you should be aware of. If you manage to uncover the secret dates you should definitely mark your calendars.

One event is Freshman Wedgie Day, and since we’re so generous we’ll even let you in on a preview of our newest freshman event for this year: The Freshman Games. If you’re confused just think of the Hunger Games… only a lot worse.

Continuing on, once you get to know the school as well as we do, you will find that there are a few secrets and tricks that are worth noting.

If you want to become friends with Custodian Maria, just go ahead and spill food all over the cafeteria floor, preferably applesauce or chocolate milk, and she will definitely clean it all up for you with a huge smile on her face.

As for Connie Agostini, getting on her good side is quite easy. All you have to do is steal the Gator and go for a joy ride.

When it comes to the hallway, always try to get as big of a group of friends as possible and create the biggest log jam you can. If strangers complain about it, just stare them down and don’t listen at all–they will probably end up as your friends.

The last rule of thumb is if you feel the urge to punch someone, never hesitate. Dean of students Ken Koenig loves to see that sort of feistiness and will definitely back you up–maybe he’ll even ask you to join the football team.

Well, we’ve already given away too many of our secrets. You’re going to have to figure out the rest on your own.

It's 2013 and we still can't …

There’s gotta be some sort of demographic out there, of unemployed Ph.Ds who aren’t quite smart enough to work on the cure for cancer, yet too smart to settle for assistant brain surgeon or something.

Instead of reading Intelligent Life or Mental Floss, maybe they should look at the inconveniences we’re dealing with as members of the middle class.

There are so many smart people out there (so I’m told).  They can’t be doing anything that important to let these dark times go on for much longer.

Thank you, unemployed scientists, for waiting for my permission.

Yes, you may get started on the Enlightenment Era of the 21st century.

Look, I even made you this list of ideas so you can get started as soon as you finish reading that article on how Ununpentium, element 115, may join the periodic table.

It’s 2013 and we still can’t …

bring our phones in the shower with us

I actually have a conspiracy theory that this is possible and there are phone cases in circulation that could make our dreams come true.  The only thing stopping their mass production is that our parents are keeping them off the shelves because they know their water bills will go through the roof.

Nonetheless, let’s take a minute to imagine how incredible this would be.  We could listen to music, watch tv, send emails, browse twitter and pinterest, facetime.  But let’s keep it clean you guys (pun intended).

warm up leftover french fries without them getting limp and soggy

On more than one occasion I’ve tried to take on this dilemma myself.  I’ve sat there in front of the microwave, watching my leftover fries turn to mush, racking my brains for a better solution.

But I’m a big enough person—probably from eating all those fries—to know when to admit defeat.  So I’m throwing this out there.  Put it on the political agenda.

We can put in artificial hearts and send a robot to Mars for pete’s sake, we should be able to figure this out.

turn left off of Shield Rd after school

If you’re unfamiliar, or bad with street names, imagine turning right out of the school parking lot and turning right again at that 3-way stop and driving aaallllll the way down to the end zone of the football field.

Still with me?  Are we all here? Yeah, we’re all here!  Every.  Single.  School.  Day. Every bus, teacher, and about half of the students.

It’s like a tailgate, except the smoke is coming from the drivers’ ears rather than the grill.  I have a simple solution: install a traffic light.  We’re a cityhood (or something) we need to step up our game.

discover a tactic to peel bananas without making the top all mushy

If I wanted bananasauce I would be shopping in the baby food aisle at Busch’s, thank you very much.  Although, now that I think about it, I really don’t have the right to be complaining about the hassle that is peeling a banana.

I’ve developed an allergy to bananas.  I’m not even kidding.  If you feed me a banana, the consequences will be dire.  Like, my ears get super super itchy.   Nonetheless, my childhood was a pain when it came to having a complete breakfast, and banana peelage is an issue that should be addressed.

pause and rewind the radio

Do you know how many times I rewound and rewatched JT’s performance at the VMAs?  Three times.  If you round down.

I’m no history buff—maybe I should pick up a copy of Mental Floss—but I’m pretty sure radio has been around longer than television.  It can’t be that complicated.  If I want to jam to Barenaked Ladies’ One Week for the duration of the car ride, I should have that frivolity.